The Bobby Rock Newsletter #78 (10-1-22) - Extreme Ownership
The Bobby Rock Newsletter #78 (10-1-22) - Extreme Ownership
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Hey Kids -
As always, welcome to another edition of the Bobby Rock Newsletter. Thanks again for all the support here. I do this for you guys!
Let’s step right into this week’s edition…
In This Issue:
- Extreme Ownership: It’s the title of an interesting book, but also a great "Jocko mantra" to keep in mind as we navigate this game called life…
- About Last Week: A quick update on the happenings of our San Antonio show last week, and a full-circle moment that was destined to go down!
- Lita Ford Tour Dates: Here’s the latest, as we make our way to the finish line of 2022.
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About Last Night…
With “super special guests" at our St. Louis show last night:
That’s my mom next to me and my big sister, Pam, next to Lita. These two put up with a lot of drumming around the house through the early years and have remained two of my biggest supporters in the decades since. There's nothing like family, and man, did I get lucky to have a mom and sis like this!
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Extreme Ownership
Jocko Willink is the prototypical badass from hell. He’s a former Navy Seals commander, author, Jiu-Jitsu black belt and dojo owner, entrepreneur, and podcast host. He’s also a compelling motivator/philosopher/speaker-of-wisdom type of guy who has gained massive popularity over the last handful of years.
One of my favorite books of his (with co-author and biz partner, Leif Babin) is Extreme Ownership. This book is an eye-opener, for sure… but really, it’s the mantra of those two words that I wanted to pass along today.
It’s an intriguing notion: taking leadership lessons from the battlefields—where the stakes could not be any higher (life and death)—and applying them to everyday life situations and relationships. This is a big part of what Jocko writes about in all of his books, and he and his co-author even have a corporate consulting business where this is the general theme of their work.
Extreme Ownership, as a concept, is all about taking 100% responsibility for virtually everything in your life. Certainly, it’s an ambitious ideal, and not one that will immediately resonate with most folks. “You mean I have to take the blame for this? But it wasn’t my fault! It was _______ (fill in the blank.)
Indeed, I get the point. But here’s the paradox:
Human nature might have us believe that we are empowered if we can pass the buck elsewhere, since the blame would then (supposedly) be directed elsewhere. But this is actually not empowering, because if the fault was “out of your hands,” then that means it’s something that happened to you that, by your own admission, you couldn’t do anything about it. This is a form of victimhood, and it is not exactly empowering!
However, if all of the responsibility rests on your shoulders, then, while it might be tough to accept all the responsibility, you are now empowered: you can fix it, you can take preventative measures so it won’t happen again, or you can find the silver lining in the situation so it has a happy ending. But you can’t really do any of these things in earnest if there are no assurances that it won’t keep happening because it remains out of your control.
It Starts With You
“Oh man… sorry I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off!”
So it’s the alarm’s fault?
Jocko gives an excellent example of a no-excuses approach to taking personal responsibility for your life, starting with getting your ass out of bed in the morning. It involves having three different kinds of alarm clocks! Here's what Jocko says:
“Discipline starts every day when the first alarm clock goes off in the morning. I say ‘first alarm clock’ because I have three, as I was taught by one of the most feared and respected instructors in SEAL training: one electric, one battery powered, one windup. That way, there is no excuse for not getting out of bed, especially with all that rests on that decisive moment. The moment the alarm goes off is the first test; it sets the tone for the rest of the day. The test is not a complex one: when the alarm goes off, do you get up out of bed, or do you lie there in comfort and fall back to sleep? If you have the discipline to get out of bed, you win—you pass the test. If you are mentally weak for that moment and you let that weakness keep you in bed, you fail. Though it seems small, that weakness translates to more significant decisions. But if you exercise discipline, that too translates to more substantial elements of your life.”
Hardcore shit… from the moment you wake up!
Mr. Hardcore, himself!
Passing the Buck in Biz
I’ve heard Jocko talk about consulting with, for example, a vice president of some big company, who goes on to lament about an employee—let’s call him Steve—who’s been dropping the ball.
“What kind of training do you have in place to prevent this from happening?” Jocko might ask.
“Oh, he's not under me,” the VP replies, "That would be on Paul, since he’s Steve's boss.”
“Oh, I see,” Jocko might say. “Well, who’s Paul’s boss?”
"Uhhh, I am. But….”
And, of course, there are no “buts” in the world of Extreme Ownership. The VP learns that it’s actually on him to properly prepare Paul for better leadership, so Steve has a better chance of not fucking something up. Specifically, the VP might propose to Paul that they create a system to check and double-check Steve’s work: Or a back-up plan to circumvent such a mistake; Or perhaps a few new protocols that might reduce the prospects of Steve making such an error to begin with.
Customer Relations, Too? (New Biz Blues)
I have a good friend who started a really hip and innovative new business. It’s so innovative, in fact, that many of his ideal customers don’t fully understand how much it could help them, nor have they warmed up to some of the basic learning curve elements of how this “new model” works. Consequently, many either pass on signing up or become somewhat of a languishing participant. In either case, this drives him crazy. I get it.
However, I also remind my friend that his customer's lack of knowledge (of their industry) or motivation (to embrace his new platform’s protocols) are on him, not them. The Extreme Ownership mindset would say, “Okay… they’re not getting it. What can I do to better educate, serve, and inspire my potential (and existing) customers so they can best experience all of the excellent benefits of the platform.”
Because, here again, waiting for your customers to come around and see the genius in what you’ve created is not a very empowering position to be in… especially if you can’t keep the doors open long enough for them to come around! After all, what’s self-evident, logical, or even superior in our opinion may not be to others. And if the “others" are your customers, that’s an issue that’s your responsibility to solve.
Beyond Biz: Owning it All in Relationships
I once heard a quote that always stuck with me: You are 100% responsible for every relationship you’re in. Of course, this sounds lopsided at first glance, right? Shouldn’t relationships be 50/50? Well, according to the Extreme Ownership model, I believe that would be a hard no. It’s 100% on you, and here's why… at least as I see it:
Relationships are an often dynamic affair, requiring a certain amount of give-and-take, acceptance, concessions, and allowances from time to time. Sometimes, our friends, loved ones, neighbors, or co-workers might act out of character and freak about something, causing them to say or do something regrettable to us. This is when it becomes more of a 90% us/10% them proposition as we patiently diffuse the situation and/or delay reaction until the clouds can clear. If we can do this, we’ll usually get an apology or explanation later and all goes back to normal. (If not, all still goes back to normal!) And, of course, there are times when, fortunately, our friends, loved ones, neighbors, or co-workers return the favor when we lose our minds and suddenly, we are at 10% and they are at 90%.
But in the case of Extreme Ownership, we are always shooting for 100%, no matter how our friends behave, or how they choose to respond to our indiscretions. End of discussion. Why? Because we are mindful that we are all capable of acting out of character at times and, furthermore, we know we will often find out the real reason behind such behaviors later.
Now, if at some point, the relationship becomes a constant liability to your sanity and you feel like maybe you’ve moved on, then that’s a different story. It might be time to, in fact, move on. But as long as you’re still in it, I say, take it all on.
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These are just a few examples illustrating how Extreme Ownership works. Like anything else, it's a practice: In any trying moment, the questions are: How can I take responsibility for this? How can I own this? How can I diffuse this? What could I have done to prevent this from happening? What can I do moving forward to ensure this doesn't happen again? Etc. I have found this practice to be extremely liberating, so to speak!
For more Jocko wisdom, Google Jocko Willink and scope some vids and podcasts.
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About Last Week…
Just wanted to offer a quick update to last week’s Newsletter. The theme was about life’s full circles and how, since I was playing back in San Antonio near my early roots of Houston (and enjoying several other serendipitous happenings), the day was shaping up to be quite the “full circle” experience. As such, I mentioned that one of my earliest mentors, Cole Newbury, might be making it out to the show that evening and, if so, it would have really been a full circle day since he was the one who first got me interested in drumming.
In fact, here’s the quick excerpt from my memoir, The Boy Is Gonna Rock, that describes “The Moment” I decided to be a drummer:
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Act II: The Moment
We lived on Autumn Forest Drive in a four-bedroom, two-bath house, much like all of the other ones around us. But at the end of our street, there was a long row of duplexes. By sheer coincidence—or perhaps fate—one of the duplexes had a young teen drummer in each of the two separate households. Cole Newbury lived on one side, and Kevin Stanley lived on the other. Both had drum kits set up in their respective bedrooms. I suppose the racket from each canceled out the other, because neither family seemed to mind.
One afternoon, they allowed my punk ass to come inside and watch them play. We went into Kevin’s room, where he had his red onyx Rogers drum kit set up. I can still see the swirly red-and-black finish on those drums, and that silver Rogers badge, prominently displayed on each shell like a Corvette emblem. A full set of shiny Zildjian cymbals, polished up and perfectly horizontal on their stands, hovered around the drums like golden flying saucers. I was awestruck.
Moments later, vinyl was pulled from the jacket of Black Sabbath Volume IV, then placed on the turntable inside one of those massive walnut Magnavox stereo consoles. Cole, shirtless as usual, got situated behind the kit, then Kevin dropped a scratchy needle down on side one, song one: “Wheels of Confusion.” Once final adjustments were made during the song’s acid-trip opening, Tony Iommi’s arena-crushing guitar intro came blasting out of that Magnavox, and Cole launched into a furious groove, sticks slamming down from way overhead, as he pounded those drums and cymbals like they owed him money.
By the time Ozzy lit into the first verse, my life would be changed forever; I was going to be a drummer.
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Sure enough, Cole made it to the show and we had a great hang. It had been quite a few years since we last saw each other in person, so it was nice to catch up after our set.
At one point, Moxy—an old favorite of Cole and mine from the old days who was also on the bill—had started their set, so we sort of wandered out by the side of the stage to have a listen. And it was then that I realized I had predicted this particular full-circle moment in the Newsletter, which had just come out that afternoon. Here’s what I wrote:
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Also, it looks like one of my original drumming mentors (and big brother figure), Cole Newbury, might make the show tonight. I’ve talked about him extensively through the years and mentioned his impact on my life in my book, The Boy Is Gonna Rock. Would be great to connect with my bro! Let’s see if the logistics gods smile down on us. If so, to hang with Cole (the guy who got me into drumming) as Moxy plays in the background (a band he turned me on to in like ’75 or some shit)… well, that might be the ultimate full circle moment.
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And so it was! Once I made the connection, we had to capture the moment real quick.
Cool, right? You can catch the original edition from last week in our archives right here:
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Lita Ford Tour Dates
Here’s how the 2022 homestretch is looking so far. As always, new dates are regularly firming up. Check the site for updates.
Oct 7 - Monterey, TN - The Old Gray
Oct 8 - Jim Thorpe, PA - Penn's Peak (+ Jack Russell’s Great White)
Oct 14 - St. Charles, IL - Arcada Theatre (+ Accept)
Oct 15 - Normal, IL - The Corn Crib
Nov 25 - Houston, TX - Arena Theater (+ Winger)
Nov 26 - Hinton, OK - Sugar Creek Casino
Dec 10 - Pittsburgh, KS - Kansas Crossing Casino
Dec 15 - Binghamton, NY - Touch of Texas
Dec 16 - Lorain, OH - Lorain Palace Theater
Dec 17 - Waterloo, NY - Del Lago Casino Resort
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Thanks again, everybody. Connect next week!
Until then, BR
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